I’m so scared, scared of something that I can’t avoid. It’s unlike all of my other irrational fears such as stairs, raisins and even street cleaners. These are all topics for another post or a therapist. The latest addition to my collection of fear is sleeping.
I’ve always had problems with sleeping, whether it has been insomnia or just generally neglecting my own health. Although over the last year I’ve had a fairly stable sleep pattern, the only times I’ve struggled are during moments of high stress.
Then so very recently during a non-stressful time, I had sleep paralysis for the first time. It’s something that I’ve heard of before, but never felt it would be something that would affect me since I have done extensive googling. This wasn’t a stressful time for me, so I can’t understand why it happened to me. It was so scary. I didn’t have an encounter with “The Rake” or “The Hag”, I didn’t feel short of breath, or anything really.
I was just laying there, waiting to drift off then all of a sudden a deep feeling of dread came over me. I felt like I couldn’t close my eyes, I was just staring off towards my bathroom, not blinking just waiting for something bad that was inevitably going to happen. The feeling of sinking came over me, I felt like my bed was collapsing around me, I was just drowning in this fear and paranoia. Then I gasped and actually made myself jump. I was fine again.
Since this, I’ve just felt intense anxiety about going to sleep. I know it will pass, as many of my anxieties do, but until then I’m trying to look after myself. Surely a healthy lifestyle will help me never go through this again? I guess I’m going to be super tired, so if you see me in person, we’re now blaming my lack of sleep for why I look so crap!